Whether your child decides to go to school locally, in-state or out of state, sending him or her off can be emotionally tough for your family. Sending them off to Kindergarten is hard, so imagine them entering into adulthood with freedom to make their own decisions, and leaving for college. It’s honestly all too much. I remember being and still feeling an overwhelming amount of pressure wondering if I had taught my daughter all the skills that she needed before she left my home. Did I leave anything out? What if there’s something I missed or simply didn’t know? Would she make the right choice? The truth is, every parent (even the best of them) will experience this moment of second guessing. The thing is, it’s ok if you had and gave all the right tips. Children, teens, and even adults are going to learn more through experience. All that we can do as parents is try our best to guide them and intercede in prayer for them. At least that’s what we do.
My daughter recently moved away (out of state) for college, and I’m still going through the roller coaster of emotions with her leaving. There’s a void in our home, an emptiness that is felt. Although we are excited for this wonderful new journey that she’s on, we miss her dearly. Before she left, we began creating scrapbooks that we would both keep of activities we planned before she left for college. We will continue to add to it as we make more memories over these next 4 years. Here are a few ways we as parents and as a family are dealing with her transition to college.
- Invite other mentors, leaders, and even trustworthy friends to create a tribe
We expose them to other mentors and leaders that may be able to share unbiased and non-parental advice. Sometimes kids/ youth/ young adults are more receptive to receiving information from people other than their parents. They may also feel more comfortable calling a mentor or adult friend if they are in trouble, but afraid to call their parents. Whatever the situation, your child should have someone they feel comfortable being their complete and authentic selves with, even if it’s not you.
- Watch a series together or plan a virtual movie night
When my daughter was home, we loved binging the shows All American and All American: Homecoming on Netflix. Sometimes we would watch them together, and sometimes our schedules didn’t align. It became a “Girl, you need to catch up” situation. When we did, we would talk about all the tea as if these were real situations. Many times they did open the dialogue about real events going on with us and around us. Now that she’s in college, we plan to continue to watch and discuss our favorite shows. Scheduling a virtual movie night with popcorn and jammies is also a super fun way to connect even if you’re miles apart. Be intentional to keep some of your same traditions/bonding times going.
- Schedule FaceTime dates
If you have an iOS device, FaceTime may become your best friend. Even if you don’t, there are so many video conferencing tools to help you stay connected. There is nothing like actually seeing your child’s face and seeing them in good health. Lately, I’ve been FaceTiming my daughter to get her input on choosing my outfits, and sometimes she does the same. It’s these little moments that still mean so much and keep your distance not so distant. Life gets busy. Phone calls are missed. Texts go unanswered. Schedule a time that you both can agree to for weekly or nightly (whatever cadence you choose) calls. Again, be intentional and make sure these calls happen.
- Randomly share funny memes and videos.
Keep it light! Everything doesn’t have to be so serious. I had to learn from my daughter to engage in the things they care about, even the silly moments. Whether it’s a funny meme or TikTok video, share it! Sure, we want to know about health, classes, safety, etc. but every interaction doesn’t have to be about that. Ask about their friends, boys, even parties. Have fun!
- Read a daily devotion.
As I release my child into the world, it’s important to me that she maintains her own relationship with God. Growing up, I may have helped guide my kids to know Him, but ultimately, it will be up to them as they shift into adulthood to continue to grow spiritually. I love that my daughter independently studies her bible. We have decided to do devotional studies in the Bible app. Currently we are reading Faith Over Fear: Transitioning to College.
Every family has their own dynamic and way of adjusting. Even if none of these resonate with your family, the most important take away would be to be intentional about staying connected over these next few years. You are going to need each other to get through this.